Harmonics

6:30 a.m. alarm sounds.
“Time to wake up!” Compliance commands.
“Just a little longer,” Sensibility suggests.
Guilt, like an incessantly annoying child
tugs on Conscience:
“Come on; there’s lots to do!”
Body does not respond.

Sleep wins
and dreams come:
homeless,
relying on friends,
no food,
backed up toilet,
children’s wide eyes
fearfully imploring:
When is this all going to end?
Guild propels a return to consciousness.

8:25 a.m.
“Up and at ’em! There’s a good soldier!”
Compliance attempts to be chipper.
“There’s really nothing more important than rest,”Sensibility suggests.
“Can’t lie in bed all day!” Guilt counters.
But body is MIA.

Dreams resurface:
Setting up house in a thoroughfare
people coming and going, oblivious to intrusion
co-workers indifferent,
eyes scolding – convicting…
Guilt mutates to rage,
Body chokes, gasps,
reaches for inhaler
sucking in desperate air.

11:11 a.m.
“That’s it! Up you get!”
“No! No! Rest is needed!”
“The day is wasted! There’s no getting it back!”

“Silence!”
A new voice emerges.

A collective intake of breath.

“Breathe,” comes the message. “Just breathe.”

A unified sigh.

“And breathe again.”

Tempers cool, and emotions begin to settle.

“What’s going on?” Guilt wonders.
“Just trying to stick to routine,” Compliance defends.
“It’s always been this way.”
“But she’s ill now,” Sensibility adds, “and there needs to be concessions.”

“Breathe,” the voice reasserts, and all sigh again.
“Just be in the stillness of the moment.”

Stillness has no voice.
Its language is compassion and infinite,
infinite wisdom.

“…and surrender.”

Compliance sobs with the release of such enormous obligation.
Sensibility gratefully gives over the burden of responsibility,
and Guilt…well Guilt is little,
and happily snuggles up to Unconditional Love.

“There, there,” Voice soothes. “Isn’t harmony so much better?”

Body concurs and rises out of bed.

(Harmonics first appeared here September 2014, five months after illness left me bedridden. Image my own)

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VJ

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

22 thoughts on “Harmonics”

  8. Wow, so much in there. I’ve never thought much about labeling the voices in my head, VJ. Having said that, I DID have a head on collision with Guilt this week. Not in real time, mind you, but the projected guilt I would feel soon for “not going outdoors enough” when this splendid string of blue sky days inevitably ends. Is “Imagined Guilt” worse than “Real Guilt”? (See, you have me labeling sub-categories now!) Anyway, Rebelliousness shot Imagined Guilt down ruthlessly. Perhaps I’m starting to win at this life thing? Or not. I have to go to the park now… Great post. 🙂

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