A Sorry State

Stubbornly, I follow
my desires and motivations
over the edge,  humbly
rediscovering
my sorry limitations.

Calling home, hoping
for a sensible response –
reliable, clear-headed –
(I should know better –
no one like that exists
where I come from).

Miss Vanity and Ms. Martyr
come to the rescue, with
Perfect baby, Spirited baby
and the Despondent One
in tow, along with
adolescent Asperger,
awkwardly incapable
of social intercourse.

Doubtful of their intentions,
certain of their impracticability
and suspicious of neglect
I pull back, angered,
threatening to exert independence;
I don’t need anybody
least of all, you people.

Miss Selfless smiles reassuringly
gesturing for my compliance –
she has everything under control
there is room for everybody –
I climb on board –
surprisingly comforted,
conceding assumptions.

I am embarrassed by my situation,
in need of repair…
Approach cautiously, I warn
it’s a steep state of decline.
My stories, exposed, overlap,
piles of debris cluttering
where hope should dwell.
This is not a place for children,
or the pure of heart.

I feel trapped, but don’t express it.
Ms Forever Up and Miss I’ll Pray For You
smile as if to say:
Don’t worry, Silly,
we’ll clean this up in no time.
And look after the babies?
And look after the babies.

Weariness begs me to surrender,
trust these dubious cons –
too overwhelmed and overcome
to care, resigned to repeat
the drama of the past –
fearing this is my lot.

Dissatisfaction niggles
Don’t give up –
there is more to aspire to
a greater dream to dream
give it time, give it time
and quit driving yourself
beyond the confines
of this current state
of dis-able-ment.

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8 comments

  1. I totally love this, a bit guiltily, since it is a product of your pain and frustration. The first stanza is so me. Today, I’m not much good for anything – too much socializing at a Labor Day picnic yesterday. I had to laugh over your sarcastic labeling of your helpers. The labels convey both your feelings and their characteristics – genius! But, best of all, and what makes this a keeper for me, is “dis-able-ment”. The term describes the up and down life of ME/CFS better than any I’ve heard. I hope you are already on your way to “greater-able-ment”., at least until the next time desire leads you over the edge.

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      1. Don’t say that! Your writings are very inspirational, motivating and unforgettable… They seem to teach a lot of life-long lessons which I am more than ready to impart from! Keep on writing! I’m sure age doesn’t define wisdom and clarity so don’t stop with what you enjoy doing! I’ll be here to support you!:)

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  2. Very clever writing. As melxdyy said you disguise the feelings yet we can still understand what you are saying. Thought provoking to be sure!

    Like

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