The Same, But Broken

Fragility blindsides me –
I am a strong woman,
not courageous
but accepting
in face of pain,
grief,
illness.

Fragility is pervasive –
body fibres stretched
and torn, on brink
of brokenness;
mind overwhelmed,
obsesses, unable to organize
or let go…

If only I could let go.

I am weeping and not –
weeping from frustration
of immediate impossibility;
unwilling to weep, for totality
of loss is beyond me.

Outside these walls,
life continues,
regards me with disgust/
indifference/repulsion –
equality ignores the ailing.

And, yet…

in this state of rawness,
stripped of busy-ness,
I am as any other –

Just a soul seeking
a meaningful existence.

(The Same, But Broken first appeared here December, 2014. This edition has been revised. Art my own.)

Published by

VJ

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

27 thoughts on “The Same, But Broken”

  1. So beautiful, VJ. I hear you. This whole section resonated with me especially:

    “Outside these walls,
    life continues,
    regards me with disgust/
    indifference/repulsion –
    equality ignores the ailing.

    And, yet…

    in this state of rawness,
    stripped of busy-ness,
    I am as any other –

    Just a soul seeking
    a meaningful existence.”

    The whole thing is beautifully brave and vulnerable ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Laura. There are always blessings. Hubby and I (both in healing mode) have been watching marathon Christmas movies together – a first for us. Lots of light laughter.

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  2. Fragility frustrates – both physically and mentally. The mental impact likely the more debilitating … how to spin our attitudes toward enjoying “down time”? And disabilities? And the flood of advice from well-meaning who have no clue?

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