Dear Dad

I miss your wisdom;
could use some about now,
confidence lacking

Life’s what you make of it,
you’d say, and
You’re doing a good job…

Truth is, I’ve made a lot of mistakes –
call it stubbornness or stupidity-
but I failed to plan, Dad

Not bemoaning life
It’s been really good
and I know you did the same

I’m just tired of doubting my self
Watching the rest of the world
reach their goals and then retire

While I can never tell –
am I doing a good job
am I even appreciated?

Remember the day my marriage died
and I came to you, crumpled
spewing anger, defeated…

And you cried with me
raging on my behalf, said:
Goddamn it, you deserve better than this!

Funny that through all the pain
your walls, my walls
you, alone could see me

Tragic how I only understand that now
death and years separating us –
my need for you still raw.

(Image my own – cut and paste with AI)

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VJ

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

62 thoughts on “Dear Dad”

  2. It’s heartbreaking that death separates people, but take comfort to know that he left you a good memories and lessons you can remember and rely on whenever you feel Lost. Hope the presence of him in your heart will guide you through life.

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  3. This is a beautiful and touching tribute. Your words capture the pain of loss and the enduring love between a child and parent. It reminds us all of the importance of cherishing loved ones and the strength we find in their memory.

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. This is a beautiful and touching tribute. Your words capture the pain of loss and the enduring love between a child and parent. It reminds us all of the importance of cherishing loved ones and the strength we find in their memory.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. How well I relate to this, VJ. I had the same experience when my first marriage ended; my father was fuming. It has been years, but I always wonder
    how he thinks I am handling things. He never had a bad word for anyone,
    except my ex.

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    1. Thanks Janet. He was a very tortured human being, actually. But at the same time, he was wise beyond my childish understanding, and could be deeply sentimental. I appreciated him too late.

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    1. Sadly true, Sadje. He was such a difficult man during his life. I just didn’t know how to break through at the time. Of course retrospect brings new understanding.

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