Wittingly, I engage in flirtations
hoping to purge self-loathing
wanting to escape this prison,
protective instincts set aside.
Men hold such appeal for me –
strong muscular machismo
distorting intentions, civility,
with smooth talking hands.
My perceptions toyed with
I succumb, despite myself,
sexually drawing a line –
baseless without focus.
Lure of belonging lingers
clouding my options,
I fail to appreciate the plot
discover my folly too late.
Withdrawing, I will calm,
vomiting pure emotion
unable to handle the
trickles of dirty feelings.
My good-girl breeding
excludes boundaries
strips me of autonomy
I need to regroup –
re-evaluate, debunk
roots of conditioning,
empower autonomy,
release worthless guilt.
I will re-write
this powerless script,
cast myself in a leading role
put an end to exploitation.
If I can ever forgive
the misguided sins
perpetuated against self
tarnishing the past.
One Woman's Quest 