Devilish This Fear

Devil borrows
Twilight’s voice
tortures sensibility

Tangled bedclothes
grumble, inflexible
bedmates – unsupportive

Where is reason?
my mind wails
heart drumming discord

I access light,
perch on edge of bed
will myself to breathe

(My dear husband is in hospital again, his fifth surgery to reconstruct his knee. It’s been a long ordeal and my heart bleeds for him. Fear is an awful bedmate. I submit this poem in response to the promptings of Eugi’s Weekly prompt: twilight and Reena’s Xploration challenge: devil. Image my own.)

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

79 thoughts on “Devilish This Fear

      1. My pleasure. 💐 So true. Sharing some toe tapping instead of word arranging for my post yesterday was fun, but now I need to sit down and write and let some things out. 🙏🏼

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Excellent work, if I may say so. The dark of night, especially when alone, can be devilishly fearful. I’m sorry to read of your husband’s need for surgeries and the stays in the hospital. I can only hope and pray that there is practical healing in the reconstructive work. And I hope and pray for peace for both of you.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s been so long. Sadly, he was gaining strength and seemed to be on the mend and in a day it all changed. Ugh. He still has to have his other knee done if this one will ever heal.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “Fear is an awful bedmate” – can resonate with this in so many ways so thank you for offering your introspect as well as your personal thoughts. I give strength and resilience to you and yours

    Liked by 4 people

  3. So hard when fear grips us at night, and then so often seems less threatening in the morning. And then there are times it seems to never leave. Prayers that your husband recovers soon with no more need for surgeries, and that you will feel at peace 🙏

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Very scary when the body refuses to heal. All one can do is pray for better days/nights and distract oneself while waiting for hopefully good news. Take care, V.J.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Its so stressful when a loved one is suffering.. My Mums second knee replacement went horribly wrong in 2013 so I have a little idea of how you may be feeling. I hope peace comes again to you soon and you find some ways to self calm. ❤

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Sadly it affected her health for the rest of her life, she had an embolism during the procedure, for some reason her silly GP advised she travel to another town to have it. something went wrong, to be honest the complications just kept piling up and then she had falls.. but there was a lot more stress she was going through following it too.. so just make sure your husband takes good care of himself.. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  6. This line “I access light, perch on edge of bed,will myself to breathe” speaks of hope and can feel your pain. I was in that place at several times with chronic illness tag, Stay strong and safe. Sending virtual hugs to you. Wish your husband a speedy recovery. Take care

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Oh no, I am so sorry to hear this. Five times. Your poem captures the intensity of what must be a constant presence of fear hanging over…everything. That fear of the unknown, the what-ifs, the helplessness. I hope writing helps you get through the day. Sending you positive energy. Take care of you too.

    Liked by 1 person

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