Perpetually looking inward,
pondering commitment,
considering risks, projecting
humiliation, shame; daring
to dream of a second chance,
room to grow, opportunities
to demonstrate value – well
guarded, precarious being.
I am floundering in a fishbowl,
crowded by co-conspirators
operating out of step, trying
to acclimatize, compulsively
examining decisions, under-
whelmed by undeniable
growth, compensating with
dark, emotional outpourings.
Need to prove self-worth is
unappealing, disregards
viable efforts, disallows
definitions of acceptance.
This inwards, backwards
outlook critiques harshly,
harbours shame, sees
fault in successes, I am
stuck in the past, static,
abandoned, anxiously
forgetting, hindered by
confinement, jumping
to conclusions; I need
objectivity, to redirect
stored misgivings and
eyes outward, perceive
kindness, communicate
misunderstandings, shake
off disbelief, consider merit
as reflected by old friends.
