Life Currently on Pause

Yesterday, I decided to pretend that the disease I suffer is not present.  Just for one night I wanted to take a break, be normal, live life. I am not talking big risks here people!  I am just talking a night of t.v. watching like in the old days, before I got sick.

“I’m still lying down, right?”  I convinced myself, hunkering in under the sheets.  “What can it hurt?”  That was 7:00 p.m.  At 11:00, I turned off the noise and distraction and retreated into sleep.

3:00 am the first repercussion hit me – constricted airways, choking for breath.  I staggered to the bathroom and my inhaler, then tried to go back to sleep.

No deal.  My overstimulated brain was locked on wired – replaying the details of the shows I’d watched over and over, like an ongoing, unsolvable debate.

I got up and made myself tea, and noticing a pronounced weakness, allowed my walker to support me.  I had overdone it.

I eventually fell back to sleep just after dawn, and now just coming up to noon, I have managed to get myself dressed.

Why is it so hard for me to learn this lesson?  My body/ mind/ emotions/ spirit have, through the vessel of this disorder (ME/CFS), sent me a clear and profound message:

P..A..U..S..E..!

So life, forgive me for opting out of participation right now – I am taking a sabbatical.

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3 comments

    1. Thank you for your reply. I am sorry I didn’t respond sooner – still learning all this techie stuff. Illness brings a whole new learning curve to life – and while it has its downs, I am discovering a lot of good things also. How long have you been living with illness?

      Like

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