Yesterday, I decided to pretend that the disease I suffer is not present. Just for one night I wanted to take a break, be normal, live life. I am not talking big risks here people! I am just talking a night of t.v. watching like in the old days, before I got sick.
“I’m still lying down, right?” I convinced myself, hunkering in under the sheets. “What can it hurt?” That was 7:00 p.m. At 11:00, I turned off the noise and distraction and retreated into sleep.
3:00 am the first repercussion hit me – constricted airways, choking for breath. I staggered to the bathroom and my inhaler, then tried to go back to sleep.
No deal. My overstimulated brain was locked on wired – replaying the details of the shows I’d watched over and over, like an ongoing, unsolvable debate.
I got up and made myself tea, and noticing a pronounced weakness, allowed my walker to support me. I had overdone it.
I eventually fell back to sleep just after dawn, and now just coming up to noon, I have managed to get myself dressed.
Why is it so hard for me to learn this lesson? My body/ mind/ emotions/ spirit have, through the vessel of this disorder (ME/CFS), sent me a clear and profound message:
So life, forgive me for opting out of participation right now – I am taking a sabbatical.