Dichotomy of Christmas

Between festive preparations
and Mother’s dying wishes
I walk a surreal line – numbed
surface belying broiling depths

I will serve the bird, scrape
the carcass, sing praises
and slip into solitude to grieve –
Mother’s flesh languishing.

(Last year, when I penned this poem, my mom was contemplating assisted dying. I supported her wish, but not without accompanying grief. This year, her absence weighs heavily on the preparations for Christmas, and I know I am not alone. Many of us feel our losses even deeper at this time of year.)

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VJ

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

26 thoughts on “Dichotomy of Christmas”

  2. I feel for you and all who will feel this sense of loss at a time when so many are celebrating. I lost two dear friends this year whose families I know are struggling this Christmas without them. One we lost only a week ago to suicide. I cannot imagine what her husband and daughter and granddaughter, who love her so, are going through.

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  3. The holidays will, never be, easy, after someone we love had been, lost, and there’s, no easy way, to get through these, special, occasions, but to, keep on, reminding ourselves, that, those whom we had lost, are still, with us, in our, hearts, that, they would want us to be, happy…and just, put one foot in front of the other, and, keep on, marching through, the, seasons.

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  8. Feel that, VJ, a most difficult time. May you find a measure of peace and joy in the love you still have, will always have for her.

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