Idle Mind and All That

What I wouldn’t resort to –
just to get away – meals
prepared by others,
cleaned up, too…

but really, is there
any coming back once
it’s all handed over –
I’d be afraid I’d lose

my identity, come up empty
embarrassed by how little
of value I have to give –
and the guilt would taunt

slap my silly ego, criticize
me for laziness,  acting all
privileged; worth is directly
linked to service…isn’t it?

And my shadow self would
appear – just break in uninvited –
and threaten complicity, beat me
down further, hope doomed

no way to justify my absence,
to keep the critics at bay,
I need to work, need to lose
myself in the routine of endless

chatter, a blanket of small talk
to keep me safe – busy noise
to drown out the thieving voices
and help me find myself again.

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Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

5 thoughts on “Idle Mind and All That”

  1. Intriguing poem. After I retired in ’02, I could not squelch the sense that I was now supposed to DO something else NOW … serve in some other fashion. A wise shaman advised me to rethink “service” along with “now”. Possibly “doing nothing” (thereby available for the yet-to-emerge) serves the Universe perfectly. (I hope so … as I’ve gotten very comfortable with this sort of service!)

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      1. Yes, yet in a very real way this what we humans go through when we are forced to shift gears!! Reading your post took me back … no way I could have prepared for that transition while still working.

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