Day 132 “Creativity of the Tao”

“The world works in mysterious ways,”  my father used to say to me.  “It’s wonders never cease.”

I forget sometimes that life is a mystery.  I forget that there is an underlying force that weaves its way through our lives and creates a tapestry of meaning.  A Universe of order and compassion, Dora Kunz* calls it.

Thor has just had his fourth surgery since January.  His ability to heal is severely compromised.  I worry for him.  He feels as if he is just watching one marble after another drop in his life, falling to its fate:  out of control.

I, in the meantime, am losing my marbles.  I try to carry on as if everything is normal, and push through the anxiety, but every part of me resists.  My body rebels against my rational thoughts and proclaims its dominance.  In moments, I feel calm, reassured, but then I leave the house and my chest contracts, squeezing the breath out of me, and my heart races, fatiguing me greatly.  I want to lie down and wake up to a new reality.

There is no other reality.

This is our life.

If I can find faith, I will remember that this is just one more creative process in the greater scheme of things.  One of life’s mysteries.

*Co-founder of therapeutic touch.

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