Unwanted For Life

I misread the cues
come to the table
without questioning
validity of invite;
fail to notice
bodies turned away,
eyes darting elsewhere

Only in retrospect
does the lens betray the lie –
carefully choreographed photos
declaring me irrelevant

Shame directs me
to poorly lit corners
finds me oversharing
with dubious partners
left exposed and violated

I don’t belong here;
part company too late;
never know how to save face

I move on
directionless,
but determined…
surely there is a place
will accept me
beyond tolerance…
somewhere safe…

But my compass is broken,
intentions haphazard –
impossible to replicate
that which is unknown;
such is the legacy
of the unwanted child.

(Image my own)

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VJ

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

22 thoughts on “Unwanted For Life”

  4. Thank you for writing this, VJ. So heartbreaking, but so helpful to others. I find it to be perhaps your most powerful poem yet.
    Hope you are finding some bit of relief in this change of season.
    Julie

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  9. Powerful. I totally get “but my compass is broken”. Perhaps finding our compass is a lifelong journey for all of us, and finally being true to our north. That’s why, although not everyone’s experience is exactly like yours, VJ, the essence of it is. I can see why your poetry is so popular. I know I really enjoy reading it.

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    1. Appreciate your feedback, Susan. I have just finished reading Emotional Inheritance, in which the therapist/author describes the legacy of the unwanted child. Only now, at 64, am I realizing how this affects me.

      Liked by 1 person

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