Thor and I were attempting to settle into sleep the other night when he mentioned that his back was hurting. As I applied ointment to soothe his aches, I noticed that he was quite warm. Despite the antibiotics, he had spiked a fever.
We contacted the doctor and made our way back to hospital, where Thor has just undergone his fifth surgery in five months. Unbelievable!
As if battling cancer, then a torn quad, is not enough, Thor will now have to do battle with this insistent infection. In the next little while he will need surgery again to close up the wound, and likely again when he gets transferred to another hospital where they specialize in wound care.
It feels as if Thor and I are currently living inside a little bubble which exists alongside the rest of reality, but is not part of it. People come and go within the bubble, however, Thor and I are the only ones who have to live it and face it every day. Even I cannot begin to understand what must be going through Thor’s heart and mind.
I do know this: Both of us are exhausted and discouraged. There is some situational depression, many tears, and bouts of anxiety. There is anger and frustration. There is never a thought of giving up.
I also know this: We are doing everything that we can to seek professional help and take care of ourselves. It isn’t always perfect, and no doubt there is always another way, but we are coping.
While we are grateful for the many heartfelt expressions of caring, I ask that everyone remember our bubble, and picture how fragile and vulnerable is to be existing like this right now. Let us know that you care, but please do so gently.
Be the whispering breeze that soothes us, not the strong wind.