Numb

My son used to burn himself
press the lit end of a cigarette
against his bare flesh

an attempt to penetrate
the numbness –
this I know

because I did it too
walking barefoot in the snow
cutting till blood oozed

there is a pain
familiar to adolescents
that bears no explanation

a hellish limbo –
suspended between innocence
and adult expectations

unable to articulate
the wrongs endured
or separate shame

from responsibility,
an inexplicable grief
and longing…

…longing to understand
at least for a moment
the pain one dare not feel.

(Image my own)

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VJ

Permission to write, paint, and imagine are the gifts I gave myself when chronic illness hit - a fair exchange: being for doing. Relevance is an attitude. Humour essential.

32 thoughts on “Numb”

  2. Pingback: Numb – personalblogin

  7. Hoy precisamente en las noticias hablaban del daño que se infringen los adolescentes. Se hablaba…, de la cantidad de suicidios o intentos de suicidio. Algo ocurre en la sociedad que nos impide arreglar este problema. ¿ Será culpa de nosotros, que, somos padres o es culpable el sistema que nos venden a través del control que tienen las imágenes que nos muestran en las noticias o tantas sonrisas falsas? Quizás, venden falsos cielos que, no todos alcanzan.

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  11. This is something that I can not understand because I have not experienced it. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about those who have. I am so sorry for your pain, VJ. Very heart felt words.

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  12. Well, this sure hit hard! But your poem perfectly captured the anguish I still am unable to write adequately about (re a granddaughter cutting mercilessly plus deciding she’s better off as a male). Thank you for this, VJ – your understanding of this phenomenon is a balm to we readers and surely, those in your family too.

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      1. I did not know that, but I do know that one day none of this will matter. In fact, none of it matters to anyone but ourselves.

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