How can we speak of desire when needs, unmet
ravage our sense of survival – we’ll regret
this wanton display – flames subside but hunger
remains – the body’s priorities reset.
Perhaps it’s the soul that stirs when you are near –
Spirit longing to overcome mundane fear –
as if the intertwining of flesh equates
with mortal release – quick come to me, my dear.
(Written for dVerse poetics, where we are examining poetic forms. This week, hosted by Frank, we are challenged to write a Rubaiyat. To find out more, click on the link.)
Sensually sly, VJ. Love this!
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Never know what lurks behind grey hair, lol.
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I never know what lurks underneath blonde hair!
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lol
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There are desires and then there are desires. English is full of words that need context. You use that well. (K)
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Thank you. English does provide opportunities for twists.
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I love the abrupt ending, mimicking the spontaneity of desire itself.
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Thank you. I was reaching for that effect.
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Like the enjambment here, very clever……when read out loud it avoids that bumpity bumpity thing that sometimes happens with these rhyming forms.
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Thanks, Jim. I am so adverse to rhyme for that reason.
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Oh my! If you were sitting here with me right now, you would have heard a big sigh and the whispered “ohhhh” escape my lips at reading’s end here. That last stanza is so romantic…heartfelt. Oh my ❤️
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You are sweet Lillian. So glad you liked it.
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Such a sweet poem, and a lovely rendering of this poetic form.
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Thank you, LuAnne. Out of my wheelhouse
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I love how you closed this… the desire building up to that call… to me it seems like desire wins in the end… ( I think it does)… we have been told it’s bad, a wanton wish… but surrendering is always sweet.
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It certainly can override the brain…thanks for the feedback Björn. I was uncertain about the ending.
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Sweetness twining with realities …like the body’s priorities reset. Enjoyed the rubaiyat poem, thanks!
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Thank you, Grace.
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That moment when we are consumed beyond the reality of the mundane.
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Yes…I have vague memories…lol.
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🙂
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Your poetics are so sweet, the form, which was well done, is nearly invisible. A love poem or a satire? Perhaps both.
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Likely more satire, lol. Thanks for the positive feedback.
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Nice line: “Spirit longing to overcome mundane fear”
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Thank you Frank.
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Well Done V.J.
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Thank you. Different for me.
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There’s a sense of satire in this, a mocking of mere flesh. Well done!!
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You are right about that. Appreciate the recognition
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Brilliant! I love this one. “Perhaps it’s the soul that stirs…” You nailed it!
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Thank you!
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the difference between desire and need with well chosen words
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Thanks Gina
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“Spirit longing to overcome mundane fear –” so beautifully said. i like the way you put this together
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Thank you. I’m never sure about these forms
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I like this VJ. “…the intertwining of flesh…” They call it the little death.
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Oh, I should have worked that in
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Le Petit Mort?
Ouí!
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Mais oui!
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That pretty much exhausts my knowledge of the French language.
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lol. You started it!
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Love this one!
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Thanks Jazz – no idea where it came from but it worked with the form, lol.
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Very good
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Thank you.
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Moving.
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Thank you.
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