The air hangs heavy and yet I shiver,
threat of rain clouds the forlorn sky;
high above the palm leaves quiver,
the air hangs heavy and yet I shiver
even birdsong has become a wither
Nature’s wrath seldom a passing sigh;
the air hangs heavy and yet I shiver,
threat of rain clouds the forlorn sky.
(An attempt at a triolet for Jilly who is hosting the dVerse pub tonight.)
Batten down the hatches. I enjoyed the read
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Thank you!
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Nice VJ, came back to read again…
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Oh, what a compliment! Thanks, Rob
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Nice poem. Hope the storm had come and gone like a breeze at the end!
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Thanks Colin. It came and went without much fuss.
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Thanks
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You capture the before a storm feeling–cold or tropical–the shiver. Nicely done with the repetition!
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Thank you. Enjoyed this prompt.
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Excellent triolet, and I can share that lament of a weather… really grey here as well
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Thanks, hope the sun comes out soon
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Perfectly captures the moments before a storm, thank you for sharing š¤
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Thanks for reading and commenting.
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I can feel this poem
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Thanks.
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knocked it out of the park! hope the weather improves!
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thank you, generous sir!
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Well done V.J. You set the mood with your well chosen words.
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Thank you!
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Good triolet, V.J. Very atmospheric. I wondered about the line you had problems withāwould ‘threats’ be better in the singular?
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Thanks Jane – that’s exactly what it needs! I’ll edit it now.
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Grammar is tricky. Sometimes the grammatically correct sounds wrong and vice versa š
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I used to be an English teacher, lol, and would have caught that. I now suffer inflammation on the brain and somedays struggle with basic concepts, especially when I’m overtired.
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The most glaringly obvious things are sometimes the ones we miss. I’ve done a lot of correction of translations and have missed some howlers. And that’s without any valid excuse š
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Thanks, Jane. I think it is harder with our own material because we project correctness into what we have written, if that makes sense.
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Perfect sense. We see what we know we ought to have written š
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Wowza, excellent work!
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Lol. thanks!
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Most welcome, have an excellent day!
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You too!
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Thank you–had a minor meltdown when I overdrew my debit card and had to fix it fast…that’s what happens when I only get 2 hrs sleep š
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Yes…the unrefreshed mind is dangerous.
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Oh gosh, so embarrassing…going to have a nap now! š
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zzzzz….sleep well.
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Nap failed–couldn’t settle down. Nat’l Finals Rodeo started last night and I’m so excited!
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Haha – there’s always something!
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So true!! Keeps me young!
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There is so much emotion packed into your triolet, V.J., and it conveys the threat of rain so well. The repetition makes it sound mournful, especially the word āforlornā, which isnāt used much these days but is so expressive.
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Thanks, Kim. Might be a little bit of projection on my part, lol. We drove four days to get to warmth and sunshine. This too shall pass.
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“Natureās wrath seldom a passing sigh;” Truth. A very nicely constructed triolet! Wondering where on earth you are that you are facing a tropical storm… but maybe that’s a nunya. š
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We are in Texas on the Gulf Coast – warnings of flash floods and horizontal rain. Still waiting.
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Oh, okay. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Nice triolet–the refrain lines fit well. You had me at /even birdsong has become a wither/.
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Thanks, Glenn, that is my favourite line too.
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Nice repeating line about clouding a forlorn sky: “threats of rain clouds the forlorn sky.”
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Thanks – I wondered about that line – if it was too difficult
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i can feel the menace of what may come and the anxious waiting
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Thanks
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Oooo stay warm and cosy inside! xxx š
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Thanks – that’s the plan.
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Hunker down and pour a jigger, it will stave off rain and quiver š Be safe!
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Thank you!
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This is terrific! The bird song serves as a perfect pivot point in this poem and your words resonate with me – seldom a passing sigh. Your photo of the palm tells of tropical storms and they are certainly never a passing sigh! Well done, VJ!
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Thanks Jilly – you are very generous. Appreciate the prompt/ nudging.
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I keep a copy of Rob Brewer’s list of forms and from time to time I pick one and give it a try. Except for the Welsh forms – those are just killers š Glad to be the nudger! (That variety of palm tree in your photo is the one that fared the worst in last year’s hurricanes – gave me a shiver.)
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Oh, that rhymes with my poem. Egads. This will be our first storm of this type. Warnings of flash floods and horizontal rain.
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I think this works really well! Interesting form.
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Thanks. I wasn’t really aware of it before, and not sure I did it right – but it’s a start.
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It’s always fun to try something new!
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It is!
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Well done VJ
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Thanks Ivor. Hope you are healing.
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I’m progressing Ok, thanks VJ
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